Asian Parenting, or Unasian Parenting, Part 2

If I get a dollar every single time someone asks me if I only allows my kids to get As, I would have enough money to retire and also send all three of my kids to a reputable private college.  Although I grew up in an Asian family where $5-$20 bills were rewarded for getting As, for my kids, getting As is....nothing different.  We don't celebrate or rewards As, or Bs, or punish Cs, for that matter.  Report cards don't mean anything in our house and all our kids know that.  They somewhat gets the point that no ones cares about their report card but themselves. I still remember one time I was mad at daughter for staying up until two to finish an English essay, then forgot to bring it to school the next day...resulting a B instead of an A.  Another girl heard us talking about it in the carpool and assumed I was mad because of the grade.  The next day I got a Facebook comment on my wall: her mom telling me that she doesn't care if her daughter gets a C, since people with all As have no social life...If you tell my 15 year old daughter that, she'd laugh until she couldn't get up.


Although I don't agree with most of the Asian parenting style...I did read up on parenting and education books.  Through out the 15 years since my first child was born, I've read more than my share of parenting/education books.  A lot of them I read and forgot...but a few stood out.  The first one is Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn--and Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less.  I always think playing is the most important thing a child can do, not ABCs, reading or math.  If they learn the enjoyment of playing...the learning will follow.  After all, our fascination about life is everything that carries us along, right?  Then lets move on to reading....




I always thought that reading aloud to your kids would help them learn to read in a snap.  Since I want my kids to enjoy the love of reading for life, I started reading to my first born when she was still inside me.  I also read diligently to her when she was a baby, a toddler, a preschooler, and a kindergartner, day in and day out, sometimes up to 40 books before bed.  Then the Judgement Day arrived.  She wasn't reading in first grade, nor second.  When her friends were devouring Harry Potters, she was just playing with her hair.  I took matter into my own hand and bought 10 different learn to read books and taught her phonetics myself.  Finally, she started reading own her own in third grade and hasn't stopped since.  The reading books for parents is definitely, Jim Trelease's The Read-Aloud Handbook.  It has great recommendations of books to read to your children as well as the reasons why.  A new book, A Family of Readers: The Book Lover's Guide to Children's and Young Adult Literature, by Roger Sutton, who has lots of experience editing and reviewing children's literature has a wealth of information and book recommendation, too.



My two other children did not have such a hard time learning how to read.  Reading just came naturally for them without my help.  My middle child started reading game tips and tricks he found online...for Mario, Kirby and Animal Crossing games, when he was 5 or 6....then moved on to Captain Underpants, and eventually to Warriors and Pendragon.  He's now ten and loves to read books about Halo, spies, robots and aliens.  He never went through the beginning reader stage or struggles.  My youngest one, who's 7, just started reading alone.  His favorites are the Magic Tree House books and non-fiction.  Asian or not, I think the love of reading if the best gift you can give your children.

Best First Books for Your Baby

I'm a sucker for reading, and for books.  Our family has thousands of books, 4 eReaders, and almost every single popular magazines.  Times, Newsweek, Good Housekeeping, Fortune, People, National Geographic, The Horn Book,  Money...to name a few; and this is not counting our professional subscriptions.  I'm not an educator nor a writer, but after 40 years of reading and 3 children ranged from 7 to 15, I do know a little about book choices.  Family and friends always ask for my recommendations, and I always happily oblige.  It finally occurs to me to write them down somewhere, where I could just refer the post to the people who ask...

So here's my first list, best baby books:


Goodnight Moon - Almost everyone heard about this book, and have purchased this some time in their life, but there's much more than just reading it out loud...for example:  Make you child find the little mouse that's hiding in every spread.

I Love You, Sun.  I Love You Moon -  This is another book that has almost a sing-song like lyrics...telling your child to love everything in the nature: flowers, clouds, river, fish....and of course, you and me.

Freight Train - At a glance, it looks like a 'boy' book, but both boys and girls will enjoy the simple and basic drawings, introducing your child not only to the different cars of the train, but also concepts such as over/under, light/dark and day/night.


Jamberry - A delightful and rhyming read, with a boy and a bear picking all kinds of berries....One berry, two berry, pick me a blueberry.  The illustrations are upbeat and colorful.


Is Your Mama a Llama? - Little llama goes around asking all his baby animal friends if their mother is a llama, too.  The answers are all poetic and rhyming, telling little llama that their mom is not a llama because she has flippers, has feathers, or says, "Moo...", etc.


The Very Hungry Caterpillar - The caterpillar just hatched from an egg, so he's going around hunting for food.  He ate one apple, 2 pears.....and so on.  There are little holes on the pages (where the caterpillar eats through...) and your baby can put their finger in each, as they count with you.


Pat the Bunny - This is a texture book, where a bit of different textured material is inserted in each page so your baby can touch and feel them, for example, the fluffy material for the bunny, and the shiny one for the mirror.  A series of similar books are published after this book became popular, but this original is the best of all.



Studies have found that reading to your babies cultivates the love of literature and reading in your child, as well as creating a special time that you and your baby spend together, which he will always remember and cherish.  If you only have time to do one thing with your child each day, read aloud to him.  It's the best gift you could give your child.


Happy reading!

Why didn't I read this sooner? Blame my history teachers.

I always wonder about people's different taste in reading, or in books.  Why do we read the different books that we read?  Why do our all-time-favorites so different from our best friend's?  It's a puzzle that always baffles me...I know some taste are acquired by life experiences, like a dog-lover reading books about dogs, or a neurosurgeon reading books about brains; but how about the books that we read for fun?  Why does your best friend loves mysteries while you only read biographies?

I always thought I read everything...by everything I mean any books that interest me, or attract me by their cover, or summary.  I read books in every single subject one could think of...brain, economy, surgery, biography, politics, parenting, business, math...and of course, the fictions.  However, when I started sharing books with my friends, I realize that there are a lot of books that I actually don't read.  For example, romantic novels, political stories (unless it's a biography), historical fiction that takes place in the US...or fantasy novels with werewolves or vampires.  When the book "The Help" was climbing the charts, I avoided it in purpose, since the description says, 1960's, Mississippi.  I did so terrible in history when in school, I just don't think I can understand or handle anything that happened more than 5 years ago.


Then I started hearing good things and reviews about the book, I mean, lots of them.  I finally gave up and ordered it on my Kindle, so that just in case I wanted to read the book, it's available.  Many months passed, during which I read lots of other books, some serious and deep, others not so.  Then the raves about the audiobook started coming.  I downloaded it from Audible.com as my first ever audiobook and started listening...WOW!  The women who lend their voices to this book were amazing, their southern accents, the feelings in their voice...I was drawn in right from the first sentence.  Then I decided the to read the book myself to get through the story faster, and regretted not starting this book as soon as it was published.  Stockett did an amazing job on her first book, about Mississippi in the 1960s, the conflicts and complex relationships between the helps and their white employers.  The book is narrated by three voices, a white female writer, and two African American helps, and a decision that they risked their lives to make.  Wonderful book, wonderful writing, and wonderful narrating in the audio format.  I don't think I could think of any other equivalent works.


So much that I wanted to avoid historical fiction, I found myself being pulled into this sad period of American history, when not everyone was treated equal.  I still could feel the sadness and the pain, long after finishing the book.

Asian Parenting, or, just plain parenting...Part #1

I'm an Asian mom, but unlike the woman who published a book about Chinese mothering this month, I have no intention of controlling my kids' future, life, education, happiness or anything else for that matter.  I may not have a law degree from Yale, but then you don't need a Yale degree to raise normal, happy, creative and curious kids.

I started off with the hands off, non-pushing approach.  When we were looking for preschools for my oldest, who's a high school freshman now, we steered cleared of any preschools with signs of teaching word recognition, spelling, counting or phonics in the classroom.  We ended up in a preschool with its own back hill garden, classroom with lots of toys and two huge playground stocked with climbing structures, sand, water station, a play barn, hand made slides, painting wall and a plain field.  The science room is stocked with a snake, an insect box, two bunnies, silkworms, lizards, two parakeets, a few microscopes and lots of magnifying glasses.  The preschooler room has a play kitchen, a dress up area, an art table, a book nook, a second tier structure where you could climb up to snuggle in some soft pillows and sofa, stocked also with books,  and lots of games and building supplies.  The playroom for older kids are stocked with board games, Legos, Erectors, wooden blocks, K'Nex, GeoMag, Lincoln Logs, Tinkertoys, Zoob, and have you heard of these: Kaplas.  The teachers read and sang to them constantly throughout the day.


For my kids, missing preschool was a big disappointment.  That means they did not get to pick their own vegetables to cook their own lunch, play a game of seashells Mancala with their best friend, build a fort in the hill garden, feed the chickens and collect the eggs, or draw trading cards to trade.  Around the Holidays, it was so much more important to show up since they may also missed the chance to decorate the haunted house or attend the auction for donated toys, books and games, with the coupons they earned doing chores for the teachers.


ABC or math was never taught in that preschool, or in our house, before Kindergarten.  We did, constantly, do two things: read and play.  My eldest did not start read on her own until the end of second grade....but then the reading never stops, even with all the other life, social and school requirements vying for her attention.  My two boys started reading on their own, both in first grade.  So far I haven't heard any complaints about school, learning, or reading being stupid or boring, and I have their preschool to thank.

New Year New Book

I love to read, and I love buying books...eBooks, that is.  We have two Kindles and a Nook Color in the family.  I got my first Kindle (a generation 2) August 2009 as a birthday gift from my husband, and fell hopelessly in love ever seen.  Since both my daughter and son are avid readers as well, when Amazon announced a new and better Kindle in July 2010, we pre-ordered it right away.  Now with about 800+ books in my Kindles and truly enjoying the freedom of not carrying 4-5 books at once, and not having to pay over-weight luggage fee when we travel,  I have been trying to convince my friends to get their own for a while.

Lots of my friends claimed themselves readers, but they don't buy books, and they frown at the idea of paying more than $100 to buy an eReader.  They borrow books from friends, library; or they pick up books at garage sale and second hand book stores.  They really enjoy it when I bring them bags of my old quality paperbacks and hardcovers.  (I absolutely cannot stand what do you call those?  Mass produced paperbacks?  How could someone handle something so horribly designed for reading?)   So far, I sold one Kindle.  I don't know what it is...how can people who constantly claim that they are book-lovers, or avid readers...not fall for a Kindle?

There are several reasons that they commonly use:  I can still get books pretty cheap at the used book store; I thinking of getting an iPad, so I'm waiting to decide; I don't read long books, I just scan interesting books at Barnes and Noble for the summary; I like the feel of real books; too expensive; too low tech; I'm waiting for more features for my money......you name it.  I finally gave up and concluded that someone who does not fall for a Kindle immediately can not actually be a book-lover.  Period.

For the new year, I have a few "to read now" books that I want to get to.  A new book by Lisa Genova, who wrote the book Still Alice that I loved so much.  Genova is a real life neurosurgeon, who bought her real life experiences and knowledge into her stories.  Still Alice was a story about a successful lawyer who tried desperately to fight her symptoms of a hereditary early-onset Alzheimer's.  In Left Neglected, she wrote about a woman who lost the ability to use part of her body after an accident.  I can't wait to read the book.

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

Every so often, a book would come along, recommended by friends or reviewers.  It's cover may look typical, unattractive, the author unknown..but somehow, after reading it, your perspective of life is changed forever.  I'm now talking about such a book, Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption, by Laura Hillenbrand.

The book is the biography of Louie Zamperini, who grew up in a small town California as a hard to control teen, who went on and became the best runner and represented the US in the Olympic Games of 1936.  His dream of competing in the 1940 Olympics was diminished when the war started and he enlisted in the Air Force to become a bomber.  During a search mission, his plane crashed and he was lost in sea for more than 40 days then he was saved and became a POW in Japan. There he suffered the unimaginable and unbearable and lived on to tell his story.

This is the first book I read by Hillenbrand, even though she has another best seller under her name, Seabiscuit: An American Legend.  She researched for 7 years before writing this book.  She narrating style is gripping and powerful, even with the large amount of background information, it was never dull or  exhausting.  Although it was hard to carry on reading the some chapters in the middle of the book, when all the torture, sadistic treatments, starving and abuse happened.  It was so much harder when the abused and suffering were given a face by the photographs scattered through out the whole book.  I was deeply affected by the book, by the worst thing a human could do, to the better human nature, even after unimaginable suffering.  I now have a much deeper gratitude for all service men and women, who gave their life and youth for our country, so selflessly.

My favorite book of the year...I'm glad I found you just before the year ended.